I know there aren't too many people who allow themselves to say what they feel

Finally, I overcame that migraine that had been nagging at me for a couple of days. I finally got rid of it last night/early this morning when I came into one of those bursts of creative energy I was talking about the other day. I spent fourty-five minutes trying to draw myself in a dimly lit room, with no glasses and it proved to be not a waste of time, but a learning experience- I can't draw if I can't see...miraculous thoughts I have...

Either way, I then went on to write and I spent a good two or three hours just writing, just letting whatever ran into my head channel down my arm, my hand, my pen, my paper. I can never express how great it feels to be able to for once, be completely honest with myself and not have to be afraid of my own thoughts.

Currently, I'm easily distracted sitting around in my bedroom. I have my lamps set up trying to speed up the drying time of my oil painting I've been working on for the past week. We had to create some kind of narrative piece and I used Leonard Cohen's Chelsea Hotel No. 2 as my story. The painting is shit. So much is off on it and it screams incomplete. It's about 10 hours of work and no one would know it to look at it. I needed just one more day to get my details in after the layer that's on now dries. One more day and the face wouldn't look like something shat across my canvas. Oh well, boo for lack of time management skills.

It's funny how I've found myself repeating the same things so much. The same motions, emotions and behaviors. I think of a silly little song that makes me happy and realize how many of those there have been in the past month or so and all the other silly little things that make me smile. I realize that I like being happy at the risk of being annoyingly repetitive. I am the person that I would have been disgusted by (in more that one way) such a short time ago and I don't see that changing. I'm not complaining either.

Just like I said before, the only thing I have to complain about lately is the fact that I suck super bad at school. Boo at college. I'm glad in a way that Mandy fucked me over on my application to Purchase, because I would hate to be sucking at school, away from home, with no one I love around me. It's scary how I've been thinking of the whole 'everything happens for a reason' idea lately. Like I think of all the shitty things that may have happened or the shitty people that fucked me over, but then I realize that if one little thing would have been even slightly different things wouldn't be like they are now. It's scary, but it feels like the truth, that everything that has piled up, just needed to get sorted through to get to the thing I really wanted, I really needed in the end. So I guess I should take the time to write thank you's to all those people that fucked me over.

And now Miley Cyrus comes up on shuffle... Ah life...