Too many people have crumbled apart in my hand

If everything that I do is wrong, or doesn't make anyone happy then is it selfish of me to just give up and do what makes me happy? Apparently so. And the fact that I do care that I can't make everyone happy, what does that say about me? Why do I care?

My father always told me to do whatever made me happy in life, but even as a child I knew that what he really meant was "you can do whatever you want if it makes me happy, if it's something I can brag about to people at work and the neighbours." I always knew that it wasn't about what I wanted.

Especially after watching the way he was with my sister. She took cosmetology classes in high school because that's what she wanted to do, that's what made her happy. But that wasn't good enough for him. No one she ever dated was good enough either. And no one ever will be.

There is absolutely no way to make that man completely proud...unless you're my brother. Everything he touches is gold. Everything he does is right.

I don't want to care. But I do and I don't know why. I know for a fact that he will never be proud of me in whatever I do. He says I'm lazy, but then when I have an interview for a job he tells me I'm going to school and there is no way for me to work. I'm selfish if I want to work, but I'm lazy if I don't work. Everything is like this. Everything is a contradiction.

I know that there is no way to make everyone around me happy. I know that. I'm to the point where I just want to do what makes me and the people or person I consider important to me happy.

And my mother, she has no friends of her own or anyone to spend time with. Well, I'm not the one who let my marriage get so distance. That isn't my fault. I'm not the one who let money tear my relationship apart. And it isn't fair that I am made to feel guilty when I want to go somewhere with my friends. I shouldn't be treated like a piece of shit because I stayed out until 7pm with my sister.

Nothing can please her either. She just wants me to stay home forever, and it just pushes me further away.

I just don't understand.