Oh, I've made love, yeah, I've been fucked, so what?

whineyblogtime?
Yeah, I think so.

Listening to showtunes and feeling sorry for myself. I let the tiniest things make me upset. I know it, but I can't help it, I'm aware of it and I don't know how to change it. I bought a Hello Kitty toaster yesterday or was it today? I have no sense of time when I'm not going to school. I also bought a new sweater dress maybe for New Years if I actually leave the house. Everytime I'm left to my own device I just feel like I'm the brink of breaking down. And for what? I don't even know. I have nothing to be sad about. Nothing important at least. I got mad at myself earlier and pulled out a chunk of my own hair. My scalp is bleeding. I really hate the word 'scalp'.

I'm waiting up until 2AM because that's when my download speed is optimal. I could have slept and just woken up early and used it from 6-7AM but that would make sense.

put the cassette in the tape deck and let that fever play

I can't get enough sappy, acoustic or piano music lately. It probably just goes with the fact that almost anything and everything seems to be overtly stimulating and overwhelming. In addition to that I've gotten into Bright Eyes a lot lately which is weird because I used to despise Conor Oberst. On a related note, I've almost got all of my old music onto my new laptop which makes me very happy. After like three weeks I realized how easy it was for me to access the files on my network.

Today was a very lazy day, but a decent day indeed. I can't get enough snuggling and napping and not being outside.

It's really a lot less stressful not being on the campus and not seeing people that I have no desire to see, but at the same time it's like what I was writing about in my actual journal. We aren't the ones who chose sides, we are't the ones who decided not to be friends, we were the ones who were pushed aside. So why should we have to be the ones that change our daily routines and play the avoidant card. We shouldn't have to, they are the ones who don't want to see us, they should be the ones who have to find a new place to be. We shouldn't have to be the ones who are inconvenienced. But it can't be like that. And I know it. Somethings just never go down the way that they should.

So please forgive what I have done no, you can't stay mad at the setting sun

Cold days like today are nice. When it's shockingly cold, but at the exact same time entirely tolerable and almost nice. At least until the snow broke through.

All the thinking that I did last night definitely had a direct effect on my mood and demeanor this morning. In Psychology we took a test which we didn't know until after completing it that it was testing our internal/external locust of control. It was so cool to see how the realizations I made last night were actually being displayed by me. I scored out of the class the 'lowest' or that I believed in fate, chance, etc. We did a lot of talking about personality tests today which led Dr. Borden to make the statement "mittens make me salivate" Just when I start to think that I dislike that man, we have a class like today. I wish that class were like that all semester. Or maybe it was and today was just the first day I let myself take in everything.

Riding the bus by myself wasn't as bad as I had worked myself up into think that it would be even if that bus driver lady is so mean and super-scary.

I guess my point is that I pretty enjoyable day today especially considering all the things that could have gone wrong.